Shit My Dad Says

As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says… ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times.

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Pan Macmillan

ISBN: 9780752227405

Category:

Page: 185

View: 648

'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says… ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.’ ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’ ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’ ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’ ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’

More Shit My Dad Says

' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today.

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Pan Macmillan

ISBN: 1447248953

Category: Humor

Page: 192

View: 318

‘Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a sh*tload scarier’ Sam Halpern Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to take the plunge and propose to his then girlfriend. But before doing so, he asked his dad's advice, which was very, very simple (and surprisingly clean): 'Just take a day to think about it.' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today. Sh*t people say about Justin Halpern: ‘Ridiculously hilarious’ Chelsea Handler ‘Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny’ Maxim ‘Funny, silly, honest, lively and fresh’ Sunday Times

Sh t My Dad Says

Nazi one, liar two." More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0062002945

Category: Humor

Page: 176

View: 780

“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.

Shit My Dad Says

Henry (Jonathan Sadowski) gets laid off from his job and decides to see if he can borrow money from his father Ed (William Shatner).

Author: Dio Anthony Austi

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category:

Page: 32

View: 781

Henry (Jonathan Sadowski) gets laid off from his job and decides to see if he can borrow money from his father Ed (William Shatner). Meanwhile Ed must work to get his driver's license again after he forgot to renew it. Two other main characters, Vince (Will Sasso), Henry's brother and his wife Bonnie (Nicole Sullivan) also visit Ed and Henry from time to time.

Shit My Dad Says

Your dad has given several pearls of wisdom that you carry with you always, why don't write them down on this notebook !

Author: Youfi Notebooking

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category:

Page: 120

View: 974

Your dad has given several pearls of wisdom that you carry with you always, why don't write them down on this notebook !... Writing anything down makes us remember it better. Details : - Cover : Colors - Paper : White - Size : 6*9 inches - Pages : 120 Blank Notebooks Are Perfect For: - Stocking Stuffers & Gift Baskets - Graduation & End of School Year Gifts - Philosophy Classes - Psychology Classes - Diaries - Gifts For Writers - & much much more...

Vinoteq

the bigger boy said. Nicholas got up immediately with his fists balled and bottom
lip protruding. “He is not a chicken shit, Haskins!” Nick said. “Yeah, he is. He's a
chicken, and he isn't worth a shit! My dad says so,” the older boy insisted.

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category:

Page: 229

View: 537

Información específica sobre viticultura y elaboración del vino, gestión y dirección empresarial y todo lo necesario para comercializar con éxito bodegas y vinos.

Shit My Dad Said

Shit my dad said. Blank lined page journal. 6" x 9". 120 pages.

Author: Basic Journal

Publisher:

ISBN: 9781097386864

Category:

Page: 122

View: 814

Shit my dad said. Blank lined page journal. 6" x 9". 120 pages.

Shit My Dad Did

Shit my dad did. journal, diary, notebook.

Author: Notebook Factory

Publisher: Independently Published

ISBN: 9781098666125

Category:

Page: 122

View: 925

Shit my dad did. journal, diary, notebook.

Funny Shit My Dad Say Notebook Gift

Funny Shit My Dad Say Notebook Gift a 120 pages Notebook featuring Journal For Dad and a funny Notebook for Dad on a Matte-finish cover.

Author: Myfavorite Quotes

Publisher:

ISBN: 9781657018563

Category:

Page: 120

View: 980

Funny Shit My Dad Say Notebook Gift a 120 pages Notebook featuring Journal For Dad and a funny Notebook for Dad on a Matte-finish cover. Perfect gift for parents, grandparents, kids, boys, girls, youth and teens as a Funny Shit My Dad Say journal gift. 120 pages 6"x9" White-color paper Matte Finish Cover for an elegant look and feel Are you a Dad ? Are you looking for a gift for your parents or relatives that works as a Dad ? Then you need to buy this gift for your brother, sister, Auntie and celebrate their birthday. Great Dad gift for graduation . Are you looking for a Funny Funny Shit My Dad Say Gift ? Funny Shit My Dad Say journal ? Funny Shit My Dad Say Notebook ? Then click on our brand and check the hundreds more custom options and top designs in our shop!

The Case of Billy B

In fact, if they peel off my skin, they might see that I'm green inside, like The Hulk. I
like saying shit. Of course, if Kelli hears me say it, she'll put hot chili sauce on my
tongue. Happy people never say shit. My Dad says it all the time. “Oh my God!

Author: Cindy Vine

Publisher: Cindy van den Heuvel

ISBN: 1449980414

Category: Fiction

Page: 286

View: 595

A young boy and his father encounter immense challenges as they struggle to find love and acceptance in an unforgiving world. Abandoned by his own mother, rejected by all but his loving father, Billy B is thrust into a silent hell alone, branded a freak and a misfit. Billy becomes the ultimate life spectator in a game of survival. Who can he count on to save him, when all seems lost?

I Suck at Girls Enhanced Edition

One day I decided to start chronicling the absurd things that came out of his
mouth in a Twitter feed called Shit My Dad Says. What began as an attempt to
take my mind off my heartache, and make a couple friends laugh, exploded:
within two ...

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0062215728

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 192

View: 548

In I Suck at Girls, the enhanced e-book edition, Justin's famously opinionated father goes on camera for the first time, offering life advice on topics from marriage to profanity and debating the appeal of pornography in seven exclusive videos. Justin's father also tells his version of raising Justin with an essay written in prose as hilarious and poignant as his son's. In addition the enhanced e-book features nine exclusive photos from Justin's childhood. "Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier." Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe." But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters. I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today. Please note that due to the large file size of these special features this enhanced e-book may take longer to download then a standard e-book.

New York

Amtrak says yes to Moynihan Station . Texas congressman Kevin Brady
complains that the D.C. subway ... The “ Shit My Dad Says " Twitter feed : " Don't
touch the bacon , it's not done yet . You let me handle the bacon , and I'll let you
handle ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category: New York (N.Y.)

Page:

View: 338


The People in the Playground

E said ' e ' d take a picture of people with no clothes on , and ' e hasn ' t even got
a film in ' is camera ! ... opens the door and the policeman ' s there and ' e goes , "
Hello fuck , don ' t forget to wipe your feet on the shit , my Dad ' s in the snot .

Author: Iona Archibald Opie

Publisher: Oxford University Press, USA

ISBN: 9780192853011

Category: Children

Page: 240

View: 574

For nearly forty years Iona Opie worked with her late husband Peter on a notable series of books on the traditional lore of childhood. As part of the fieldwork from 1970 onwards, she visited the local school playground every week.The children accepted Mrs Opie as a regular feature of the playground, a harmless collector of jokes and games. Her aim, however, was to provide the living context of school-lore, rather than the lore itself. She achieved this by writing down events exactly as they happened, and conversationsexactly as they were spoken. The result is a startlingly honest portrait of children at play, at once charming and hilarious, alarming and poignant, and full of infectious vitality.We see games seasons as they come and go, watch ephemeral amusements being devised and forgotten, and see how school-lore evolves and is transmitted. Much fundamental human behaviour is recoreded: the differences in attitudes between the sexes; the boys' irrevocable devotion to fighting andfootball, and their innate kindness; the art of storytelling; the friendships and enmities; the excited interest in sex; the diversity of characters; and above all, the hilarity which pervades the playground, creating entertainment out of trivialities.In the uninhibited language and astonishing inventiveness chronicled in these pages we recognize the games and jokes of previous generations; at once a revelation and a reassurance of continuity, this book offers a unique insight into the world of the child.

Male of the Species

My mother worked all day in a dentist ' s office , answering the phone and
scribbling on a calendar . One day , after school , I found my gun laid out in
pieces on my bedroom floor . “ Shit , ” my dad said . “ Like a deer in headlights . ”
He was ...

Author: Alex Mindt

Publisher: Delphinium

ISBN:

Category: Fiction

Page: 239

View: 257

A debut collection of short writings features father protagonists and their loved ones as they share paternal connections and struggles with humility, anger, and patience, in a volume that illustrates the experiences of fatherhood at various stages of life.

Rebel Yell

I had also applied to the University of Atlanta , basically because my dad went
there and he said I had to ... Shit . My dad ' s in jail . Yep , ” He scowled . “ Fuck . ”
It was the most he had ever said to me . I wanted to ask him what his father was in
 ...

Author: Jay Quinn

Publisher: Harrington Park Press

ISBN:

Category: Fiction

Page: 167

View: 244

Fiction. LGBT Studies. Written from the broad perspectives of gay Southern writers, Rebel Yell: Stories by Contemporary Southern Gay Authors, dismantles and demystifies stereotypes, and presents fourteen individual narbatives about the experience of living as a gay man in Southern society. At times heartbreaking, and sometimes humorous, these stories of sexual awakenings and the search for acceptance and identity capture the nuances of Southern culture against backdrops as diverse as a Baptist church, a sleepy small town, and a roadside diner. This colorful collection of stories will appeal to fans of gay and/or Southern literature as well as academics and students studying gay and lesbian literature.

Holy Sh t

... FCC, when played on the radio). Cee Lo Green told various ... in the of the
curve in this respect. The list included Randall Kennedy's Nigger way back in
2003, followed by Harry Frankfurt's On Bullshit [2005], Justin Halpern's Shit My
Dad Says.

Author: Melissa Mohr

Publisher: Oxford University Press

ISBN: 0199911568

Category: History

Page: 336

View: 404

Almost everyone swears, or worries about not swearing, from the two year-old who has just discovered the power of potty mouth to the grandma who wonders why every other word she hears is obscene. Whether they express anger or exhilaration, are meant to insult or to commend, swear words perform a crucial role in language. But swearing is also a uniquely well-suited lens through which to look at history, offering a fascinating record of what people care about on the deepest levels of a culture--what's divine, what's terrifying, and what's taboo. Holy Sh*t tells the story of two kinds of swearing--obscenities and oaths--from ancient Rome and the Bible to today. With humor and insight, Melissa Mohr takes readers on a journey to discover how "swearing" has come to include both testifying with your hand on the Bible and calling someone a *#$&!* when they cut you off on the highway. She explores obscenities in ancient Rome--which were remarkably similar to our own--and unearths the history of religious oaths in the Middle Ages, when swearing (or not swearing) an oath was often a matter of life and death. Holy Sh*t also explains the advancement of civility and corresponding censorship of language in the 18th century, considers the rise of racial slurs after World War II, examines the physiological effects of swearing (increased heart rate and greater pain tolerance), and answers a question that preoccupies the FCC, the US Senate, and anyone who has recently overheard little kids at a playground: are we swearing more now than people did in the past? A gem of lexicography and cultural history, Holy Sh*t is a serious exploration of obscenity--and it also just might expand your repertoire of words to choose from the next time you shut your finger in the car door.

Wait For It

girl in the episode of the same name Will Sasso (MADtv, Shit My Dad Says, Curly
in the 2012 film version of The Three Stooges, all-time winner of Vine) as crazy
bartender Doug in “The Fight” Reality TV mainstays Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt,
 ...

Author: Jesse McLean

Publisher: ECW Press

ISBN: 1770906274

Category: Performing Arts

Page: 240

View: 596

Re-live the entire hit series with this insightful companion As the record-breaking run of the CBS hit sitcom How I Met Your Mother draws to an end, new fans of the epic romantic comedy are still appearing in droves, thanks to the joy of binge-watching on demand. What better way for old fans and new to reminisce about all the friendships and fun than by looking at the series as a whole in Jesse McLean's Wait For It. With an entertaining examination of each of the nine seasons of the show, McLean not only looks at the characters and stories, but the making-of stories, the running gags, the lead actors, and the lasting impact of How I Met Your Mother on pop culture thanks to a cult fandom that's grown to a national obsession.

Waving at the Gardener

Mam says you dropped out of college , he said . Sort of . How come ? Oh , this
and that , she said . He waited . Right , he said . He looked at the river . You must '
ve got good A levels then ? Yes . ... He talked a lot of shit , my dad . Yeah ?

Author: Kate Pullinger

Publisher: Bloomsbury UK

ISBN:

Category: English fiction

Page: 205

View: 139

'As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.' - Virginia Woolf Asham House in Sussex was once home to Virginia and Leonard Woolf and is the inspiration behind the Asham Award. Launched in 1996 to support and encourage new writers, it is Britain's only prize for short stories by women. Waving at the Gardenerpresents the twelve fresh, engaging and original voices shortlisted for the Asham Short-Story Award 2009, as well as six specially commissioned new stories by beloved authors Margaret Atwood, Esther Freud, Alison MacLeod and Yiyun Li.

Bad Neighbors

She walks her to school with her own kids . Then she started hanging out here .
Kind of organizing stuff and shit . My dad just stays down in the basement ,
working . I think he thinks she ' s weird , too . " " Is she like friends with your mom
?

Author: K. K. Beck

Publisher: Doubleday Books

ISBN:

Category: Fiction

Page: 278

View: 625

Anita Jamison's new next-door neighbor--a prim, dominating, and manipulative woman--insinuates herself into Anita's disintegrating family, seducing her husband and winning over her kids, culminating in a violent showdown.

Descant

I took slow steps backward , but the old wood groaned with my weight , and he
turned . His voice was suddenly very ... Well , it ' s better ' n listening to your dad
bitch every night , ” he said , grinning at me and showing me smooth , straight
white teeth . “ After a while that shit gets to you , you know ? Sometimes you just
gotta ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN:

Category: American literature

Page:

View: 767